my boyfriend is unsure about our future

Web3 months ago My BF is unsure of our future together [new] My boyfriend (25M) and I (22F) have been together for 10 almost 11 months now. Maybe hes not ready to buy a house together, but hes ready to rent an apartment with you. The excitement of a new beginning and hope for the future can feel amazing. Identify the signs that your boyfriend is unsure of the relationship. Be patient, and let it pass. If you still feel like you want to bail even after accounting for outside stressors, then you may have your answer. Guy Who's Unsure The health of a relationship always comes back to communication, says licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Molly Giorgio. Jonathan Bennett, a relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, echoes this. A good, worthwhile relationship will see you where you are right now, and also create room for growth and change. Identify the signs that your boyfriend is unsure of the relationship. To determine the future of your relationship, take a step back and ask yourself a few of the questions below. Hes letting you know that there are no guarantees, and that he has not committed to you. My I'm not judging you or your preferences. It is time to be vulnerable. With that in mind, I guess my question is if anyone else has ever experienced an unsure partner in terms of marriage in a relationship before? At the same time, a little pressure is necessary to get the ball rolling. His behavior tells you he has an unstable commitment to the relationship, something that creates risk for the future. He might be saying this because he feels pressure to commit to a relationship. Let me clarify when this is actually a cause for concern. Sure They Want a Future with You Boyfriend You just do your part. I apologize in advance if you think I'm a jerk. India's largest women's lifestyle network. Even if you dont end up spending the rest of your life with your current boyfriend, being in this relationship will have taught you something about love. We have a really great and healthy relationship. He likes having his place to have alone time. He seems to think if we share a space, we will always be at each others side, and thats not true! If you are 35 and want kids, you obviously cant wait as long as a woman who is 25. This can allow new growth within the relationship once you come back together, as it will give both of you increased insight into the situation and how you feel about it. If the answer is no, Ball notes that there's still a shot you can make it work, but it may be necessary to have some long heart-to-hearts about whats getting in the way. Photo illustration by Slate. Hurrying the decision for either of you is likely to cause problems in the future. Are you being too complacent? People do grow and change throughout a relationship. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! When Im working with individuals in my practice, I encourage folks to look at their underlying concerns and to learn how to talk to their love interest about what they are wanting. One of the first things to try is discussing that person's hobbies, interests and passions. Are you afraid to step outside your comfort zone? Look for the potential. They saw the signs, but believed that the drinking, rage, lies, negativity, self-absorption, under-employment, Silent Treatment, infidelity would end if their partners finally received the love and support they deserved. Insecurity or Fear of Commitment. Relationships can be wonderful and fulfilling, but they can also lead to confusing and intense feelings that can be challenging. What's going on in his life? Living together is a huge step. If you havent already talked to him about your concerns, nows the time to see what he imagines for himself going forward in his life and if youre a part of that vision. There is beauty in "I don't know," and if you ever hear it, weigh your options and prospect before heading for the door. Sure They Want a Future with You #FriendshipMatters: 8 Effective Ways To Handle Friends Who Get Upset Over Small Things. The two of you might even want to set a tentative deadline for decision-making. Have been with my boyfriend nearing four years now. These conversations can be awkward and uncomfortable but are necessary to find a deeper connection with your partner. by Betsy Sansby MS, LMFT, Jamie Ratowski LMFT, Jennie Heinze MA, LPC, Anita Gadhia-Smith PsyD, LCSW-C, LICSW, Linda Rio M.A., MFT, Sally LeBoy MFT, Michelle Henderson MA, LMHC, Carrie McCrudden LMHC, It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.. It looks like you want A guy. Unsure About Your Relationship Its another to be dealing with someone who is just ambivalent about commitment. Many people in your situation place the relationship on probationthat is, give him a certain number of 6 Experts Reveal Exactly How To Distinguish Between the Two, He Is Not Ready For a Relationship But Likes Me 7 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do, Do I Like Him Or Am I Just Lonely? Ladies, hate to break this to you, but men will start to take you for granted if you put yourself out there too much. These are the three words a woman dreads hearing when she's thinking of sharing her life with someone. Give him some reassurance, and that may just be all he needs! Michelle Henderson, MA, LMHC www.nextchapter-counseling.com. Be honest with yourself about things that go wrong, poor treatment, tension, or anything else that puts you on edge even if it doesnt happen every day. Don't bet your future on someone else's potential. So ask yourself: "Does the thought of your partner bring a smile to your face? From the start of the relationship, I always had the impression that we would later down the line get married, as he was always casually mentioning it and talked about it here and there. Is his career just starting, or is he trying to figure out his path? We are both in our mid-20s. 1. Slate is published by The Slate We don't take it seriously because we think it's a part of a long term relationship, but does it have to be? Are you wanting kids and realizing your window is closing (again with the biology10. Face this situation with calm and composure, not only because it will make you feel better, but it will put him at ease. One Seltzer Brand Towers Above the Restand Its Not Even Close, The Secretive, Delightful Man Changing Everything We Know About Theme Parks, The Deranged Scene at a 24-Hour Nonstop Marathon That Takes Place on One Tiny, Maddening Track, Americas Fastest-Growing Beverage Is TerribleUnless You Know Where to Look. Take a second to think if your SO has your back when times are tough, if they support your goals, and if theyre attuned to your emotional well-being. Maybe he or shewants to sell pia coladas in Maui. Maybe that person doesn't want to be a future CEO. Most importantly, remember that your relationship is made out of two people, and not just him. Is he starting university, or a new business? Im pretty sure the way forward is just to take it one day at a time but its like Im holding a ticking time bomb in my mind, worrying about whether and when we will have to break up. Photo by ONYXprj/Getty Images Plus and PeopleImages/Getty Images Plus. But what happens when you've potentiallyfound that right partner? Have been with my boyfriend nearing four years now. 2 months isn't enough time to decide whether a person is right for you. We both enjoy the dual income no kids lifestyle! We agreed to try and work things out together. "Asking this question allows you to focus on your own needs," Bennett says. The Slate Group LLC. The pursuit of happiness is a steep slope to climb on your own, and it's even more difficult when you're dragging another person up there with you. Sure They Want a Relationship With You Change in Circumstances. Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost three years and he still wont move in with me. He might be saying this because he feels pressure to commit to a relationship. Boyfriend Unsure I dont understand why he is dragging his feet. Anita Gadhia-Smith, PsyD, LCSW-C, LICSW www.drgadhiasmith.com. WebWhen were unsure about a relationship, we often engage in unhealthy behaviors that push intimacy away. Give him space to streamline his thoughts, and give him space to miss you. The key is understanding men on a deep emotional level, and how the subtle things you say to a man affect him much more than you might think. Consider if this relationship actually makes you happy, or if youre just going through the motions. "If you ask this question and dont see your partner playing a major role in your life a year down the line, then the relationship probably isnt worth keeping.". If your boyfriend has let you know that he is unsure about your future, believe him. Hi guys, would love some advice. "If you arent willing to make room for your partner and their needs, the relationship will not be a good one," Doares says. In order to build trust back in the relationship, start by having open communication with one another. We don't spam, promise. What rhymes with future that relates to mystery? To go one step deeper, ask yourself if theres a pattern attached to these feelings of doubt. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Nor may you transmit it or store it in any other website or other form of electronic retrieval system. I changed my mind (it hit me like a ton of bricks in my mid-30s! Examples include: patchy texting, unreliable behavior, blowing hot and cold, keeping the future undefined, and not We know how to let loose, pop a bottle and let our hair flow free, but we still want a plan. I have been thinking about what the next steps for our relationship are. I have these goals for myself in mind. I feel worried or concerned about your thoughts regarding our relationship. Also, remember that your partner may not follow the same script as you. I just don't want to spend anymore months/years on a relationship where I'm a GF for another couple of years and then dumped. You can't control how he thinks, feels, or what he decides. Whether thats giving him a move-in or break-up ultimatum, or appreciating that youve planted the seed and youre willing to nurture it for a little while, at least youre being true to yourself and your relationship timetable. No one knows. Thank you for taking the time to read. Updated: April 10, 2021 Published: April 10, 2021. In other words, you wont feel like you have to change for your partner, but youll also be able to change, if you want to. Its only natural to feel unsure in a relationship if youre the only one putting in any effort to hang out, address problems, or make amends after arguments. Its only natural to occasionally feel unsure about your relationship. If you are always available, then that robs him of any need to reach out to you. Men and women often approach relationships from differing imperatives. If he is ambivalent about you, you could be setting yourself up for an unsatisfying or painful relationship. And once some changes are made, you may feel a lot more secure. Insecurity or Fear of Commitment. If your partner appears unsure about the future, the first step is to focus on yourself. You may be noticing subtle signs that your boyfriend is also having doubts. "It wont magically get better.". Then last year, I asked him more seriously what his feelings were towards marriage, and he said he never really thought about it seriously and was unsure if he wanted to ever get married in the future - whether that's with me or not. If you dream about your boyfriend's son being mean, you probably are a bit worried that your boyfriend's son may turn out to be mean. It exists for every couple. In fact, you should use the doubts and/or negative feelings youre having as a signpost indicating the need to take a pause and reflect, says Kate Engler, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Being open with each other will help build trust, which is essential for any healthy relationship. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Is his career just starting, or is he trying to figure out his path? Talk to your boyfriend honestly, and encourage him to do the same. Sure They Want a Relationship With You The women werent blind or stupid. While you cant expect to be elated to see each other 24/7, there should be a general sense of happiness whenever you meet for a date night or catch up at the end of a long day. life, relationship, and future. It can be frustrating when your boyfriend is unsure of your relationship, but its important to respond with kindness and understanding in order to make sure that you are both communicating openly and honestly with each other. You have to be accepting of who your partner is, and if you can't be, maybe it's just not meant to be. When attempting to have this hard, but important conversation there are a few things to remember. You can kindly suggest these without seeming overbearing. How to remedy this situation is even trickier because you don't want to seem pushy and make your partner hate you for trying to change him or her. Communication Issues. If your boyfriends behavior has drastically changed, its understandable to feel confused and start wondering, Why is my boyfriend unsure of our relationship? Its important not to jump to conclusions and instead have an honest conversation with him about how youre feeling. There is beauty in "I don't know," and if you ever hear it, weigh your options and prospect before heading for the door. If hes in the middle of figuring out/changing careers, if hes recently moved/plans to move soon, or if there is another big life transition going on, it is understandable why he may not be able to give you straight answers about what the future for the two of you looks like. Some people struggle to commit to any kind of change/progress. One of you may be more confident than the other, but there should be some agreement on your direction as a couple. Becoming aware of your behavioral patterns makes it easier to recognize them when they arise and helps you achieve a more objective viewpoint when emotions take hold. I think that handling a situation in which you have a partner who isnt sure about the future of your relationship depends a lot on the length of the relationship. For example, a main deal breaker could be whether or not to have children. Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. The biggest challenge we can encounter is being with a partner who does not live out life like this, who has a foggier view of the future or maybe no distinct vision at all of how to get there. Feeling Unsure This brings me to my second truth. If your boyfriend has let you know that he is unsure about your future, believe him. It can be helpful for both of you to understand where his fear stems from so that he feels heard and supported in his journey toward growth and self-confidence in the relationship. During this time apart, be sure to treat each other with kindness and understanding because relationships take time to reach their full potential. Find ways to build trust in the relationship again. Similarly, I have men coming in to ask how to handle the pressure their girlfriends are putting on them to label their relationship, move forward and make big plans before they are ready to commit. Communication is key and can resolve many issues and confusion while gaining a deeper understanding for each other. Reddit, Inc. 2023. My Boyfriend Doesnt Want To See Me As Much As I want To See Him What Should I Do? Again, you can't expect your relationship to be sunny and rosy 100 percent of the time. We have a really great and healthy relationship. Imagine your future life. Betsy Sansby, MS, LMFT www.betsysansby.com. Consider your sense of humor, how you like to spend the weekend, and even how you socialize. When you are at the receiving end of your boyfriend's confusion about where your love is headed, it is natural for you to panic! They are often accompanied by insecurities, doubts, and even fears. You ease from the casual conversation you had in the beginning of your relationship when hobbies, movies and favorite places to eat were hot topics and you gradually start hitting the hard stuff. It doesn't look like you want The guy. Identify the signs that your boyfriend is unsure of the relationship. If there is doubt or confusion about where the relationship is headed, there can be steps to find clarity. Look for the good in your partner, but make sure you arent excusing, explaining away, or assuming that the good qualities represent the REAL person, and that the bad qualities can be erased with enough love. Relationships should not be focused on how the other person can or needs to change for the one they love, but instead accepting who the person is for their strengths and weaknesses. Imagine your future life. People do grow and change throughout a relationship. Communication Issues. Unsure Like, should we break up because of this or not? According to research, keeping things interesting and fun is key in sustaining a relationship long term, and if you feel that the fun is missing, you might need to think about rekindling the fire. This gives both of you the intentional space to focus on yourself and clear your mind. It doesn't look like you want The guy. It takes about a year to get to know a person, even to make a friend. If so, I encourage you to get clear about what you are asking for. If youve been seeing each other for less than six months youre still in the getting to know you stage. Boyfriend Unsure WebLook at your early romantic relationships. I really need advice. Since no relationship is absolutely perfect, you can expect to have a doubt or two on occasion especially during tough times. If you and your beloved are still together a few years from now, its possible (again, who knows?) "If you are feeling uncertainty about a relationship, its important that you address the reasons for those feelings," he tells Bustle. Are you feeling unsure about the future of your relationship? If so, it may mean that outside stressors are having an impact on your relationship, but that the relationship itself isnt necessarily the problem. If youre a big fan of your attitude, the way you look at life, and how you feel when around your partner, then you can rest assured things are good. Reddit But thats not your fault, and you shouldnt feel guilty for it. How do you both navigate challenges together? You see, a relationship is a part of who we are, not all of who we are, and sometimes, when our things are not going so well in one area of our life, it may impact the other areas. Hes letting you know that there are no guarantees, and that he has not committed to you. Say, for example, that your high school boyfriend told you he loved you but blew you off to hang out with his friends at every opportunity. You may still end it, Engler says, but you also might realize you just needed to work on healing old hurts in order to be fully happy. Its a fantastic reason to get a roommate, but its a recipe for disaster with a romantic companion. As Dr. Ritter says, "These areas of your life can cause large amounts of conflict if there are not similarities or ways to communicate and manage differences.". The first truth I will address is that relationships are hard. Of course, you'll also want to take your own flexibility into account, as well as the issues and hangups that you may bring to the table. While this certainly doesnt apply to all relationships, it happens enough that, clearly, something is going on here! TL;DR: My (22f) boyfriend (23m) is unsure about his future and wants to work on himself. When it seems like things are at a standstill and youre unsure of what direction your relationship is headed, sometimes its wise to decide together to step back and focus on yourself for an agreed period of time. If we're in a relationship, we want to be able to envision a future with our partners, and that requires planning. A month? If youre total opposites, it may help explain why you dont feel quite right. uncertainty To test it out, find ways to practice empathy around each other on tough days and see if it helps you ride out lifes tough moments together. A recent career change, relocation, loss, or family dynamics could all cause your. You never want to be the mom or dadwho's pushing that "What do you want to do with your future?" And theres this: saving money is not a reason to move in with a partner. Reddit Boyfriend unsure Reassure him that youre there for him and that youll take the time to hear them out. Ask yourself if this partner is capable of doing those things for you. If you dont see him putting forth the initiative or effort to your relationship at all (and theres no real barrier to him doing so), this is cause for concern and shows that he may be unwilling to commit to you (or anything else for that matter).

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